


Letters from a warden -02

by Tak



Series: Letters from a warden [2]
Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 18:17:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tak/pseuds/Tak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The circle was broken and has been made whole again, the warden is realising a few of her fears might hamper her mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters from a warden -02

"Are you saying the king of Ferelden and Zevran both fell for your cousin." Fenris chuckled as she explained what she had read.  
"I'm told the Amell women are very loveable"  
He smirked "And that's why your a Hawke is it?"  
"I hope that wit of yours will keep you warm at night my love" she said as she kissed him on the head.   
Sunshine laughed at her parents banter, as she burnt the ends of twigs in the fire. Using the charred ends to draw pictures and write notes in the little book she had with her.   
"Enough from the cheep seats." Hawke told her, "surely its your bed time as well."   
Nodding the she carefully packed up her things bid her parents a good night and padded off to the tent she shared with the twins. They had camped not far from the Old Hawke homestead giving them more time to trawl through the houses ruins for memories and treasures left behind.  
Hawke rested her head against his shoulder and sorted through the letters. He stroked her arms softly his fingers trailing up and down. "She wrote down everything?"  
"In a round about way. its amazing, It's like I have known all the characters in separate stories and here they are on paper all together." She laughed "I think if my 19 year old cousin knew she was talking to the future king of Ferelden she may have not described him as." She opened the letter to find the exact phrasing "a goofy strawberry, full of jokes and fairly sweet."  
Fenris laughed heartily, "Your cousin is as hard to impress as you are. Though her turn of phrase are far more colourful."   
She opened another letter not finding a date, and held it up to the fire light to read.

_  
Dear Cousin._

Hawke folded up the letter, and looked back to Fenris.   
"Tonight Boone's going to stay in her bed? Not that I don't love the little blanket hog."  
"She has nightmares." He protested "You try saying no to that face."   
Hawke chuckled "Varric described you once an angry porcupine, and here you are letting a little girl push you around."   
"You remember who this little girl is related to?" He queried poking her playfully in the ribs. "she is defiantly your daughter."  
"A very cute and formidable opponent."

_After I left the Circle I never thought I would have to go back. Or that I would miss the walls, The faces. Of course Jowan is gone, in a dungeon in Redcliff, and Cullen the poor creature. You know I found out he left because of me. The Templar assigned to be my death should I have failed the Harrowing, and I scared him away. Are we mages so terrifying?_

The high stone walls surrounded her. It was less of an embrace than it was a strangle hold. Finishing the letter she folded it up and sealed it. Tucking it into her nap sack. Stepping over the dead abominations and the corpse soldiers. She sat on what had been her designated bed, she pulled the pillow into her lap and curled around it.  
Saving the circle, facing the sloth demon, had taken the toll. Her hands shook as she curled up into a ball. The girl who barely survived her Harrowing, stood up to the five guardians and the sloth demon. Delving into her companions minds seeing what each of their desires and fears were. Alistair with his sister playing happy family, Wynne with her apprentices. Zevran and the rack. But none of that prepared her for the burning tower. Hallways full of fire reaching as high as the ceiling. Or becoming the the Burning Man becoming a creature of fire. She could feel it again, the tongues of flame licking at her, bubbling her skin. She rubbed her arms feeling the old scars up and down her forearms. How perfect Duncan had picked the one Mage that was terrified of fire to fight a dragon. 

"Have you seen the Warden Amell?" Zevran asked the Grand Enchanter as none of her other companions had given forth any useful information. The party was getting restless, unable to leave with out her.  
The old man shook his grey head, "though her room was up on the 2nd floor, perhaps she was home sick."   
Breaking away from the group he tiptoed around the corpses that littered the hallway, as Templar And Mage alike began cleaning up the mess.   
The dorm doors were wide open, the halls were still, dead and empty on this level. In between the sound of his foot falls, he heard a shuddered breath, a sniff. The sound of tears.   
Lying on a bed surrounded by death, Dae sobbed quietly to herself. He hadn't seen her since the final battle, but she had looked on the verge of tears since they rescued the handsome young Templar from the cage of the mages.   
He sat on the edge of the bed quietly, "You're a Hero little Flower, why the tears?"   
A bard once said tears were the salvation of ugly women and the ruin of beautiful ones. That was never the case, a woman crying was always heart breaking. She looked up at him over her pillow, pulling her knees up to her chin and leaning against the headboard. All he could see passed her pillow was watery eyes, the edges painted red with her tearful efforts. She studied his face, his soft smile as he placed a hand on her knee.   
"It should be made a crime for a beautiful woman like you to weep."   
She managed a small laugh, drying her eyes on the edge of the cushion.   
"You say these things," she told him through sniffs. "Pretty words,"  
"Do they not help?"   
She swallowed, but nodded.   
"There we are then. I will keep showering you with pretty words, until all is well." He patted her knee and returned his hands to his lap. "Your room is not how I imagined it."  
"I redecorated since coming back. Thought Abomination was a theme to run with." She swung her legs off the bed. Keeping her hands tucked under the pillow.  
He chuckled. "So my own personal hero. You should be rejoicing. Not hiding."  
She pulled at the edges of the fusion in her lap. "When we were in the fade," she looked at him "a place I have never liked by the way. Before I came to save all you from your respective dreams." She swallowed thinking about where she found him.  
"The world was divided and guarded by five spirits."  
She held out her hand palm facing away and numbered each one on her fingers.  
"Yevena in The Raw Fade, Slavren in a circle tower, Uthkiel the Crusher, with the halls crawling with dark spawn. Vereveel in A Templar's Nightmare and Rhagos in The Burning Tower." She took a deep breath holding the last finger squeezing her eyes shut trying to obliterate the thought of the orange and red fingers crawling the pathways to find her, the heat dogging at her heals melting every ice spell. Catching her her robes burning the fibres, burning her hair, engulfing her in fire until she was breathing it in. Until she was the fire and her body was heat and destruction.  
"Dae?" He held her hands in his, a few stray tears had begun their escape down her face.   
"It's fire." She stammered finally not knowing what to say or how to phrase it. Trusting him with her deepest fear. "And there I was with the circle to save, crying on the floor because I'm afraid of fire. They were turning mages into abominations, torturing..." She paused grimacing at the thought. "Torturing poor Cullen."  
"You are too hard on yourself Warden." He told her seeing her pain not only in her terror but her inability to put it aside to help others. "Many have done worse in the face of fear, I have seen it myself."   
Her head turned quickly back to him as if his words meant more than what they said. Her eyes narrowed. "I still don't know what governed your dream. Wynne was regret, Alistair was Hope. But what was yours."   
He laughed and flopped back on the bed "We do not have the time to delve into the depths of my psyche."  
She tugged at her sleeves and dried her eyes standing up. "Master of asking questions not so much answering them."  
He smirked up at her bouncing off the bed to her side. "I'm good at answering them when I am tied up, incase you don't remember."   
"Yes." She mused as they walked out the door "Bondage seems to be a theme with you."  
As the crossed the curving hall toward the stair she held her staff out and blocked his path for a moment forcing him to stop. "What I don't understand." She said slowly turning to face him. Her tears stopped her sweet face unbelievably serious for a second. "In your dream, you wanted to be a Crow so badly, yet in reality you gave it all up so simply."  
"Do not speak in riddles, ask what you would."  
"Should I trust you."  
He was rendered silent for a minute, she stood so still and waited so patiently for his answer, watching scrutinising every movement he made. He didn't know what question he was expecting. To be grilled about a convoluted plot on her life, that began by befriending her perhaps. Not to be asked advice on how to handle him.  
"Should you?" He repeated "No." An insane notion to tell this sweet warden the truth came into his head. After all he didn't want to kill her any longer, he had sworn her and oath, and he liked the girl. The world hadn't twisted her into something dark yet.   
"My past is littered with good reasons for you not to trust me." He smiled "but can you? Yes."  
She smiled his simple words enough "None of this kindness is a scheme to seduce me then slit my throat?"  
"Oh I'll seduce you. But your throat is far to lovely to cut. I'm thinking it was more designed for kissing, or a little bit of biting?"   
She laughed out loud pushing his shoulder her cheeks beginning to flush. "Zev some days you are to much."

_I never thought I'd find something that I hate more than the dreams if the fade. But the dark spawn dreams are terrible. The arch demon is fire, heat and fury. He riles the darkspawn to him using old words I can't understand. I want the floating islands, the cold winds, even the great bear of the sloth demon from time to time is better than hearing the march of blighted feet._

"Nightmares?" Alistair asked from the fireside. His eyes equally sleepy roused from his dreams for the same reason.  
She nodded standing by her tent with a blanket around her.  
"Come sit by the fire. You'll catch a cold." He told her patting the ground next to him.   
She made her way towards him but put him between her and the burning heap.  
She sat down, shrouded by the blanket and his own shadow.   
Alistair took a minute, he looked from the gently crackling camp fire to his friend. "You don't like it? The fire?"  
She shook her head curling into the blanket further.  
"Can I ask why?" He turned to her, his brows knotted in concern. She smiled and shrugged.  
"After all you've seen me playing house. You saw what's in my head" he mused "Yours can't be much worse."  
She opened her mouth and shut it again. "Fire magic, scares me, when I was young in the circle I saw a Mage get badly burned. It scarred him for ever, top to toe. His face his arms, bubbled and scorched. The apprentices were all terrified of him."  
Alistair nodded "That would defiantly put a kink in your knickers."  
"They called him leather face. It was quite horrible, he was a lovely man" she continued.   
Alistair out a hand on her well blanketed shoulder, "Don't worry I'll protect you, they always told me I was really good at blocking the fire place back at the chantry."  
She laughed "It's the broad shoulders, you would make a better door than a window."  
"Yes they use to say that a lot too."   
The night slowly ticked by and eventually even Alistair gave up and tried to sleep again. Leaving Dae to watch the last pieces of wood, collapse into embers.  
"You lied." A soft accented voice whispered in her ear.   
She closed her eyes and smiled not jumping at the sudden intrusion. Feeling his face close to hers "but I don't think the Chantry boy noticed so your secret is safe."  
"Why would you think it's a lie?" She asked.  
"You didn't look at him once while you told him the story." He circled her and taking a long stick poked the fire bringing it back to life.  
"So what do you think my story is?" She ask haughtily. Realising there was not one other soul out of their tent. Meaning he must have been on watch, observing her and Alistair's entire exchange.  
Zevran shrugged. "If it is a story you would rather not tell, I'd rather not know." He threw another couple of logs at the fire, jumping back as a spark caught his hand. Raising the small scorch to his lips.   
"Here. Let me." She took his hand between hers. Her fingers soothingly cold. She took a deep breath.   
"My story, as we are calling it, is more than just my fear of fire." She spoke so quietly her voice almost a whisper so no one else would hear. "You see, my family were Nobel. We lived on a grand estate and I had all the things a little girl could ever dream of wanting. Except for friends my own age."  
He tisked "such a hard life my little flower."   
"That is not what I said." She bit back at his sarcasm "I was lucky, I know it. To grow up and not be hungry is a gift in its self." She caught his eye "What was it you said, when working for the Crows? It was a gilded cage." She released his hand looking over the red mark that was all that was left. He flexed it a few times wiggling his fingers.  
"I had one friend, Yana, she was a cook in our kitchen, an elf. She had started in Minrathous, escaped the slavers, fled to Orlais was a handmaiden for a time. Then came to us. She cooked the absolute best desserts you had ever had in your life." She grinned just thinking of Yana, her strawberry hair dusky from flour her sleeves rolled up working away in the kitchen. "She use to tell me story's when I escaped from my lessons, I use to mind her son, from time to time. I was mostly confined to the house, to do things a proper lady should so it was easy, and he was a good lad." She stopped for a moment, not noticing how much she missed them both, nine years she had been in the circle, and the first people she starts to miss are the colourful servant and her son.   
"In our estate we had one giant fireplace that always burned." she over emphasised the giant, punctuating it with a flap of the blankets."We were in the main hall with it, he was playing on the cobbles, a safe distance I might add. A load bearing branch burnt through and broke sending the top branches and logs spilling out of the hearth. One log almost as big as me, rolled onto the poor boy." She pulled her blanket around herself its soft folds comforting her. "The log was a blaze with the child trapped under it. I didn't think I rushed to him, tried to push the log off, it wouldn't budge so I wrapped my arms around it and heaved with all my might, it wasn't much but I moved it enough to free him." Her lip trembled "The poor child, he was so small, in that way that the little children are, with their hands that fit in your palm. He was so burnt, but I just knew I could do something. So I put my hand on his head and the other on his heart and I thought of all the light, and love and happy things I could think of, but he wasn't breathing and no amount of healing was going to help if he was crossing the fade." She smiled "so there is was ten years old, and I crossed the fade to see the little man standing there lost and scared. When I opened my arms he ran to me. I brought him back good as new." Her smiled slipped "It wasn't good, some one had alerted my mother, his mother, the whole house was there they all saw it."  
"That was you're first display of magic?" He asked solemnly.  
She nodded. "Mother was crying, I know now because it meant we lost our status."  
"Surly you are being harsh."  
Her lips pursed and for a minute she looked as wizened as Wynne. "Because you have some one to call mother and father, doesn't mean you have parents." Her tone was bitter. "I was to be a proper lady, grow up to marry a Nobel lord, and better our standing. No one was going to marry a marred Mage. When the carriage came to take me to the circle, Yana and her boy were the only ones to see me off. The only family I talk too are my cousins in Lothering, and I fear even they have fled Ferelden."  
He mulled over her words, "Marred Mage? Were you badly hurt?"  
She slowly pulled her hands out from under the blanket. Palms up, in the low light he could see small puckers and slight imperfections in the skin. As she pulled her sleeves up the lines got deeper more pronounced. A map of changing terrain on her flesh.  
"Quite. I didn't feel it at first, I suppose because I was one foot in the fade still. But my dress had burned and so had the flesh on my arms and hands, took one of my braids clean off. It's why I sport the fabulous braided bun to keep all hair out of the way."  
Zevran was for a moment lost for words. He caught her hands and raised her palms to his lips. Finally he replied "I see now why you make up a story like leather face."  
She smirked "oh leather face is real. My second year a pyromancer set himself and the third floor on fire." He looked at her confused "If there is one thing you must remember about me Zevran, I never lie."

_Is it wrong of me cousin, is it terrible that in a way I am thankful for the blight? The things I have seen in these few months. The people I have met, I can't help but think if it wasn't for the blight I would have still been in the tower twiddling my fingers playing cards and reading books. If I think of it that way I am also thankful for my magi gifts, despite all the pain it cause my family._  
Does Bethany ever worry? Though your father is an apostate so I suppose another Mage isn't so much of a big deal.   
Any way, all my love and best wishes  
Dae  
XOXO 

"Mama?" Boone whispered through tired and tearful eyes dragging her blanket behind her.   
Hearing her child's voice Hawke instantly snapped out of the dreamland she had been in while reading the letter. Fenris must have gone to sleep she hadn't even noticed enthral led in her cousins life.  
"Was it another nightmare?"  
Boone nodded her red curls falling about her head as she did. Hawke opened her arms and pulled her in close for a hug.  
"You tell me what you dreamed about and I bet it won't be as scary" she told her kissing her head and rocking her gently "I bet if you say it out loud it will seem silly."   
"There was a cold wind on a green island. Lots of other island floated around it with these doors connecting them all. There was a bear, he was big and sleepy, he said I should go to sleep too. Sleep and not wake up. But I didn't want to."  
As her child spoke a chill ran down her spine, so many things sounding familiar.   
"A lady told him off, she was nice, she looked like you. If your hair was really long. She told me it would be best if I woke up and I did."  
"Floating islands and talking bears." She tried to keep her voice light. " just dreams my babe." She picked her up blanket and all.  
"You can sleep with us tonight."


End file.
